Your parents are probably too polite to tell it to you straight, so we're going to break the news to you ourselves: When it comes to holiday gifts, those cartoon-character ties and knockoff perfume bottles just aren't cutting it. These are the folks that raised you, fed you and nursed you through sprained ankles and teenage heartbreaks: You don't want to give them a gift that says "I think it's time to start trimming your nose hair."
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Keep reading to see the 12 things you shouldn't buy your mom and dad.
Lousy Gifts Your Dad Doesn't Want
"Oh, wow. Wow. Look at this … you got me … thank you for this, this, this…
"Um, what the heck is this thing?"
Don't want Dad to be stammering when he opens your gift? Shop carefully for the father figure in your life.
Sure, Dads are hard to buy for. They don't need much. They don't want much. Unlike Moms, they rarely drop hints. Don't know what to get him? Spend some time thinking, observing, or flat-out asking him. Above all, avoid purchases that fall into one of these six traps:
The "Your Appearance Needs Help" Gift
Yes, Dad may have more hair in his nose and ears than on his head these days, but you don't need to call his attention to it at Christmas by presenting him with nose hair trimmers. Same goes for fitness equipment. Unless he specifically asked for the Ab Glider, don't get him the Ab Glider. Be careful about what you're implying about his abs. Or his biceps. Or his pecs. The fitness equipment Dad will use is the equipment he tests and selects himself.
Clothing
This could easily be lumped in with the "Your Appearance Needs Help" gift, but dads receive clothing so frequently, it deserves a category all its own. Dads everywhere are practically begging: No. More. Ties. Gloves, pajamas, slippers, hats, sweaters? Keep 'em. "I HATE getting clothes," one dad complained to me. "People, usually women, give you the stuff they think you SHOULD wear. Drives me nuts." Another father echoed the sentiment: "Some of us like to buy our own clothes, believe it or not."
[See 15 Gifts That Keep on Giving]
A related Dad peeve: When their kids waste someone's hard-earned money on goofy clothing, like bunny slippers, reindeer ties or funny-looking hats. Those items might get a momentary chuckle. Then they collect dust for a year before ending up at Goodwill.
Jobs Masquerading as Gifts
He doesn't care if those pruning shears have cushion grips. You're still giving him the gift of chores. "How would you feel if your father gave you a mop?" grumbled one dad I asked. He'll see right through anything that can be construed as a spouse's backhanded way of getting him to do more work around the house. Even if the gift does come via the kids.
If you are going to buy him tools, and he really wants tools, make sure they're quality. Cheap tools are frustrating, and they get tossed in the junk drawer where they belong.
Strange Appliances
Yes, the toaster that brands the logo of his NFL team seems cool. But some Monday morning after a brutal loss, he's going to look at that toaster and hate it. The day the quarterback tears his ACL or admits to an affair with the sideline reporter, Dad will feel like punting that thing out the window. It might be novel and cute for a week, but what's going to last longer, the novelty or the credit card bill?
Gifts Related to His Passion
This may sound counterintuitive, but take it from my friend Bob, a father of two, who is an avid runner. He gets at least three books a year about running. Most of them aren't very good. "I hate books about running," he says. Bob's high school buddy is a pianist, and all that guy ever gets are piano knick-knacks, piano neckties, and piano pads of paper. "Why not get Dad something unexpected from another realm of his life?" Bob asks.
A Scale
Even if the scale holds up to 400 pounds or has an easy-to-read dial at waist level, he doesn't want it. This is yet another entry into the "Your Appearance Needs Help" category, but with a particularly cruel message. This Christmas, Dad just wants to know you love him. All of him.
[See the Best Stuff to Buy in December]
Lousy Gifts Your Mom Doesn't Want
Your mother loves you, but sometimes your holiday gifts leave her, well…sad, frustrated, ready to poison your egg nog. She has so much trouble telling you what not to buy without seeming critical. We're here to help.
Here are 6 lousy gifts that your mother does not want. Seriously. Give these gifts at your peril.
Eau de Sale Table
You know that mom wears perfume. What kind is a mystery. So instead of finding out her favorite scent, you buy the big bottle of fragrance that you see on sale. Not to be unkind, but when she wears the perfume you got her last year it makes everyone feel as if they're stuck in an elevator with someone's dear-departed grandmother. A small bottle of the scent mom likes will be so much more appreciated than the gallon-sized bottle of Eau de On Sale. Take my word on this one.
Brightly Packaged Hints
A gift certificate to Mom's favorite spa is a gift. A gift certificate for an eye-brow wax is not. If you're really concerned about Mom's uni-brow, try to break it to her when she's not worried about having 25 people to dinner. Better yet, suggest that you go for a spa day together before or after Christmas. She likes spending quality time with you and it gives you the opportunity to suggest the brow lift gently, as if it's an afterthought while you're there. Dinner will be a much more pleasant affair if Mom doesn't open an insult disguised as a gift on Christmas morning.
As Advertised on T.V.
I know that the Snuggie you saw on t.v. (when you were up late stressing about all the gifts you had left to buy) looked really cozy. And it looked even cozier when they mentioned the free expedited shipping — and that they'd throw in a Rondo Meat Slicer for free! But when you wrapped that up with the "Shoedini" for your sister and the "Pro Tek Weather Shield" for your Dad, your family detected a pattern that did not leave them with the right warm and fuzzy holiday feeling. In fact, they're cancelling your DirectTV subscription. Maybe next time you buy your family gifts, you'll do it without a channel changer in your other hand.
Easily Programmable Gadgets
Everyone in your generation has a digital photo frame and you can't understand why the one you gave mom in 1994 is still in a box under her bed. Quick hint: Has your mom figured out how to work her cell phone yet? Then what are the chances that she's going to get over her lifetime technophobia to figure out both a digital camera and a digital photo frame? Unless you're willing to put the pictures in it; the songs on it; or set it up so that all Mom has to do is look at it fondly or hit "play," give it to somebody who likes to read directions.
[See the Best Holiday Gifts for Seniors]
And while we're talking techno-gadgets, Dad would really like you to return the digital clock that projects the time on the ceiling. To be sure, Mom finds it handy when she's awake in the middle of the night. It's so much easier to time her hot flashes that way. But it does not leave her in a good mood in the morning. Dad has packed it neatly in the box with the receipt and directions to the nearest Brookstone. Many happy returns.
Fabulous Fauxs
PETA will not be upset about the fake fur you bought Mom for $149, but your mother is sad about all the little polyesters that had to die to make it. It was very generous of you and mom loves that, but she'd like you to return the coat. Quickly. The Gucci purse that costs $25? Uhm…Not Gucci. Not close. You should know that the Chanel #5 knockoff perfume really doesn't smell like Chanel, either.
When you think of your mother, she'd like you to think "genuine" and "classy." Knockoffs? Not genuine. Not classy. You could buy her a beautiful cashmere sweater for the same amount as you spent on the faux fur. Instead of the bogus purse, how about some pretty silver earrings or a silk pashmina? Unless Mom specifically noted that she wanted a fake Rolex this holiday season, pass it by. Mom doesn't need Rolex, but she does need real. That's how she rolls.
Gifts to Me for You
Your mom can totally understand how you'd know that she'd like Call of Duty: Black Ops. After all, you've wanted that game for ages. And she's been dying to learn how to use the XBox. Blowing up enemy combattants looks like so much more fun than making dinner. But when you promised to teach her how to use it and then spent the next 7 hours waiving her away while you progressed to "the next level," she began to question your sincerity. Now, she's in the back yard popping the circuit-breaker on the t.v. so that she can get your attention long enough to tell you that, for that thoughtful gift, you get dish-duty.
Merry Christmas.
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Keep reading to see the 12 things you shouldn't buy your mom and dad.
Lousy Gifts Your Dad Doesn't Want
"Oh, wow. Wow. Look at this … you got me … thank you for this, this, this…
"Um, what the heck is this thing?"
Don't want Dad to be stammering when he opens your gift? Shop carefully for the father figure in your life.
Sure, Dads are hard to buy for. They don't need much. They don't want much. Unlike Moms, they rarely drop hints. Don't know what to get him? Spend some time thinking, observing, or flat-out asking him. Above all, avoid purchases that fall into one of these six traps:
The "Your Appearance Needs Help" Gift
Yes, Dad may have more hair in his nose and ears than on his head these days, but you don't need to call his attention to it at Christmas by presenting him with nose hair trimmers. Same goes for fitness equipment. Unless he specifically asked for the Ab Glider, don't get him the Ab Glider. Be careful about what you're implying about his abs. Or his biceps. Or his pecs. The fitness equipment Dad will use is the equipment he tests and selects himself.
Clothing
This could easily be lumped in with the "Your Appearance Needs Help" gift, but dads receive clothing so frequently, it deserves a category all its own. Dads everywhere are practically begging: No. More. Ties. Gloves, pajamas, slippers, hats, sweaters? Keep 'em. "I HATE getting clothes," one dad complained to me. "People, usually women, give you the stuff they think you SHOULD wear. Drives me nuts." Another father echoed the sentiment: "Some of us like to buy our own clothes, believe it or not."
[See 15 Gifts That Keep on Giving]
A related Dad peeve: When their kids waste someone's hard-earned money on goofy clothing, like bunny slippers, reindeer ties or funny-looking hats. Those items might get a momentary chuckle. Then they collect dust for a year before ending up at Goodwill.
Jobs Masquerading as Gifts
He doesn't care if those pruning shears have cushion grips. You're still giving him the gift of chores. "How would you feel if your father gave you a mop?" grumbled one dad I asked. He'll see right through anything that can be construed as a spouse's backhanded way of getting him to do more work around the house. Even if the gift does come via the kids.
If you are going to buy him tools, and he really wants tools, make sure they're quality. Cheap tools are frustrating, and they get tossed in the junk drawer where they belong.
Strange Appliances
Yes, the toaster that brands the logo of his NFL team seems cool. But some Monday morning after a brutal loss, he's going to look at that toaster and hate it. The day the quarterback tears his ACL or admits to an affair with the sideline reporter, Dad will feel like punting that thing out the window. It might be novel and cute for a week, but what's going to last longer, the novelty or the credit card bill?
Gifts Related to His Passion
This may sound counterintuitive, but take it from my friend Bob, a father of two, who is an avid runner. He gets at least three books a year about running. Most of them aren't very good. "I hate books about running," he says. Bob's high school buddy is a pianist, and all that guy ever gets are piano knick-knacks, piano neckties, and piano pads of paper. "Why not get Dad something unexpected from another realm of his life?" Bob asks.
A Scale
Even if the scale holds up to 400 pounds or has an easy-to-read dial at waist level, he doesn't want it. This is yet another entry into the "Your Appearance Needs Help" category, but with a particularly cruel message. This Christmas, Dad just wants to know you love him. All of him.
[See the Best Stuff to Buy in December]
Lousy Gifts Your Mom Doesn't Want
Your mother loves you, but sometimes your holiday gifts leave her, well…sad, frustrated, ready to poison your egg nog. She has so much trouble telling you what not to buy without seeming critical. We're here to help.
Here are 6 lousy gifts that your mother does not want. Seriously. Give these gifts at your peril.
Eau de Sale Table
You know that mom wears perfume. What kind is a mystery. So instead of finding out her favorite scent, you buy the big bottle of fragrance that you see on sale. Not to be unkind, but when she wears the perfume you got her last year it makes everyone feel as if they're stuck in an elevator with someone's dear-departed grandmother. A small bottle of the scent mom likes will be so much more appreciated than the gallon-sized bottle of Eau de On Sale. Take my word on this one.
Brightly Packaged Hints
A gift certificate to Mom's favorite spa is a gift. A gift certificate for an eye-brow wax is not. If you're really concerned about Mom's uni-brow, try to break it to her when she's not worried about having 25 people to dinner. Better yet, suggest that you go for a spa day together before or after Christmas. She likes spending quality time with you and it gives you the opportunity to suggest the brow lift gently, as if it's an afterthought while you're there. Dinner will be a much more pleasant affair if Mom doesn't open an insult disguised as a gift on Christmas morning.
As Advertised on T.V.
I know that the Snuggie you saw on t.v. (when you were up late stressing about all the gifts you had left to buy) looked really cozy. And it looked even cozier when they mentioned the free expedited shipping — and that they'd throw in a Rondo Meat Slicer for free! But when you wrapped that up with the "Shoedini" for your sister and the "Pro Tek Weather Shield" for your Dad, your family detected a pattern that did not leave them with the right warm and fuzzy holiday feeling. In fact, they're cancelling your DirectTV subscription. Maybe next time you buy your family gifts, you'll do it without a channel changer in your other hand.
Easily Programmable Gadgets
Everyone in your generation has a digital photo frame and you can't understand why the one you gave mom in 1994 is still in a box under her bed. Quick hint: Has your mom figured out how to work her cell phone yet? Then what are the chances that she's going to get over her lifetime technophobia to figure out both a digital camera and a digital photo frame? Unless you're willing to put the pictures in it; the songs on it; or set it up so that all Mom has to do is look at it fondly or hit "play," give it to somebody who likes to read directions.
[See the Best Holiday Gifts for Seniors]
And while we're talking techno-gadgets, Dad would really like you to return the digital clock that projects the time on the ceiling. To be sure, Mom finds it handy when she's awake in the middle of the night. It's so much easier to time her hot flashes that way. But it does not leave her in a good mood in the morning. Dad has packed it neatly in the box with the receipt and directions to the nearest Brookstone. Many happy returns.
Fabulous Fauxs
PETA will not be upset about the fake fur you bought Mom for $149, but your mother is sad about all the little polyesters that had to die to make it. It was very generous of you and mom loves that, but she'd like you to return the coat. Quickly. The Gucci purse that costs $25? Uhm…Not Gucci. Not close. You should know that the Chanel #5 knockoff perfume really doesn't smell like Chanel, either.
When you think of your mother, she'd like you to think "genuine" and "classy." Knockoffs? Not genuine. Not classy. You could buy her a beautiful cashmere sweater for the same amount as you spent on the faux fur. Instead of the bogus purse, how about some pretty silver earrings or a silk pashmina? Unless Mom specifically noted that she wanted a fake Rolex this holiday season, pass it by. Mom doesn't need Rolex, but she does need real. That's how she rolls.
Gifts to Me for You
Your mom can totally understand how you'd know that she'd like Call of Duty: Black Ops. After all, you've wanted that game for ages. And she's been dying to learn how to use the XBox. Blowing up enemy combattants looks like so much more fun than making dinner. But when you promised to teach her how to use it and then spent the next 7 hours waiving her away while you progressed to "the next level," she began to question your sincerity. Now, she's in the back yard popping the circuit-breaker on the t.v. so that she can get your attention long enough to tell you that, for that thoughtful gift, you get dish-duty.
Merry Christmas.
Popular Stories on Yahoo!:
• Americans Pick World's Strongest Economy
• Jobs That Pay $100 (or More) Per Hour
• Tax Changes You Need to Know
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